I love the Onion. Its witty satire is brilliant, making it an excellent read and something I want to share with a friend 98% of the time.

A friend recently wondered how they came up with those ideas, and since I’m a writer I thought Hey, why don’t I write one?!

Here you go:

Teen girl says “No” to Tyra

In an amazing show of personal willpower or plain absent-mindedness, a teenage Chilliwack girl arrived home from school and did not turn on the TV.

“Well, when I walked past the TV and laid down on the couch, I realized I couldn’t reach the remote on the coffee table. And I was way too lazy to move, so…” Dara Jones, 15, declared with emphatic lethargy.

When asked if she was actually boycotting Tyra’s departure from television by her actions, Jones was adamant to defend her sloth. “I love Tyra. But if the TV isn’t already on and turned to channel 13, it just isn’t happening.”

In other news, her mother was slightly injured when she hit her head after passing out in disbelief after returning home from work.